Cartoon by William Haefeli. For more: http://nyr.kr/17CrNKG

(Source: newyorker.com)

Cartoon by Jack Ziegler. For more: http://nyr.kr/XYUmLi

Cartoon by Emily Flake. For more from this week’s issue: http://nyr.kr/10gOgb1

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…Our testing has gotten a bit more advanced since the last time you two were in here. Would you like to know more about your embryo? …Would you like to know her sexual orientation?

O.K.

Ruby is heterosexual.

Phew. I mean, I have neutral feelings about this. I mean, obviously, I have no issues with—

Shhh. This is a safe zone. Ruby is definitively heterosexual, but she will experiment on and off in college and shortly thereafter. These experiments will be motivated by her emo-ish boyfriend, Lucas Adler-Zeitz, who is currently a Grade B embryo just a few drawers down from her.

A Grade B? Couldn’t Ruby do better?

Oh, she will. She’s going to marry Robert Westinghouse, who I believe is about to turn fifteen.

Wow. That’s a big age difference.

Well, she’s going to be “that kind of girl.” Ooh, this is quite positive. On the tenth chromosome here, she has a high H.S.C. factor.

What’s H.S.C.?

High-school-cool factor. By tenth grade, she’ll be making fun of the loser girl who still draws horses and smells like soup, instead of being the one who’s made fun of herself.

I’m not so sure how I feel about that.

Yes, you are.

Fine. We’re relieved.

Any other questions?

If I may… never mind.

You can ask.

This is embarrassing.

She’s going to Penn.

Oh. O.K.

It’s an Ivy.

Yeah, but it’s the Ivy about which people have to say “it’s an Ivy” afterward.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, she’s going to get into Harvard. But she’s going to choose Penn.

That’s insane. We’ll see about that.

Sure you will…

Continue reading: http://nyr.kr/13r38Z2

(Source: newyorker.com)

Cartoon by William Haefeli. For more from this issue: http://nyr.kr/Yvc89D

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